SELF-IMPROVEMENT
5 Habits I Practiced to Build Lasting Confidence
Romanticizing my life has been one of them
“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” — The Dalai Lama
If someone were to ask me which quality they should start cultivating more in their life my answer would be self-confidence.
My answer could be biased. That’s because self-confidence is something that has not come easily to me. At one point I even started thinking that perhaps confidence was an innate ability I just wasn’t blessed with this lifetime.
Once I started embarking on my self-improvement journey I learned that confidence is not an innate, fixed characteristic. It’s an ability that can be acquired and improved over time.
When I delved deeper into my limiting beliefs I started to notice the amazing results. Embodying self-confidence did not only bring me a general feeling of well-being but it got reflected on the outside as well: I started seeing more success at my workplace, more harmonious relationships, and an overall happier life.
What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence is a feeling of self-assurance from appreciating your unique qualities and abilities. It’s that inner belief that you are enough and inherently worthy.
As I turned thirty I realized the first portion of my life up until this point was about trial and error, experimenting, trying on different hats, and slowly but surely trusting my inner compass more which led me to become the version of myself I am today.
Of course, it doesn't mean that now I am not going to experiment anymore or try new things or that everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows but I am definitely more well equipped to deal with the challenges of life.
Working on my limiting beliefs such as not being enough in many areas of my life has definitely proved to be one of the best things I could have done for myself. The most wonderful thing has been to see the results of my inner work reflected outside as well.
In this article, I want to share with you the habits and mindsets I have adopted and have worked for me to build my self-confidence.
1. Self-care is a top priority
“Never dull your shine for somebody else.”
― Tyra Banks
For many years I have put my needs second because I have thought that this was the right thing to do. Prioritizing myself would be selfish or too self-absorbed. I guess this is also social conditioning most women have: nurturing everyone else around them but themselves.
But little did I know that pouring from an empty cup was not only wrong but also depleting.
In addition to that, I didn’t know myself very well because I was too busy fulfilling others people's needs to care about my own.
For me, setting boundaries was a huge lesson to learn but definitely truly rewarding. By doing so, I was able to create more space and clarity both in my mental and physical environment.
I also started eating healthier, doing more exercise, and allowing myself to rest and recharge by spending more time in nature.
I know that spending time with yourself after being so dedicated to others might feel scary and challenging, but honestly, it is really important to do it so you can know yourself better and tend to your needs more. Mind-body-soul coherence is extremely important.
2. Take up space by sitting straight and tall
Taking up space in my body and then into the world was definitely a huge shift for me.
Posture is extremely important. It sends a message of confidence and self-assurance. It can also impact your mood as well. Little did I know that when my mother kept admonishing me to sit straight as a child she was actually on to something more than just correcting my posture so I could have a better appearance.
And by ‘on to something more’ I mean embodied cognition. Of course, she was most likely unaware of this term but embodied cognition is a form of communication between your mind and body and works both to send signals from the body to the brain, and signals from the brain to the body. In simpler terms, how your body is positioned can directly impact your mood and vice versa.
The benefits of sitting tall and straight are:
- reduced cortisol levels and thus reduce stress
- improved self-esteem since you have the courage to show up in the world with your chest open without rolling your shoulders in (which signals protection mode)
- increased energy: when the body is in a prone position, other systems within the body can tend to slow down, including breathing, heart rate, and adrenalin levels. Conversely, when sitting upright and alert, the body and mind are running at much higher levels, leading to an increase in energy.
3. Romanticize your ideal self
“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”
― Paulo Coelho
I must confess, this one took a little while for me to wrap my head around. We are so conditioned to romanticize a partner, an idea, a trip but our ideal self? What does that actually mean?
I have often read that you should dress like the person you want to become or for the career you want, not the one you have.
But falling in love with that version of yourself you wanted to become has deeply impacted my self-confidence. I wasn’t anymore in a ‘fake it until you make it’ but more of an ‘I really love and admire this version of me I want to embody’ mindset, which definitely made the gap smaller between who I was at the time and who I wanted to become.
It is, of course, an ongoing journey, and the more you get closer and see all that potential that once laid dormant inside you come to life, the more fulfilling you want to embody your ideal and authentic self.
A useful self-reflection question you can ask yourself is: What does the self-confident version of you look like? How does she think, behave, walk and talk?
4. Be bold and take steps towards your goals
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
There were definitely some opportunities that I was afraid to take because I felt like I wasn’t good enough. But I have learned to forgive myself and make peace with the choices I made at certain times in my life. Now I am definitely more prepared to embrace the opportunities coming my way because my mindset has changed quite a lot in the past few years.
There are things you are naturally good at. And other things you would like to try but we are afraid you are not good enough or you might fail. But sitting in your comfort zone and daydreaming about it is not going to help you achieve much.
You can’t become good at something unless you practice it .
When you put yourself out there, you gain experience and alongside trials and errors, there also comes mastery. Learn as much as you can about a topic you are interested in and then put yourself out there. The more you do so, the more your self-confidence will increase.
5. Model behavior and/or mindset
Finding models I would like to emulate has definitely helped. I have always loved to observe people and I am always eager and willing to learn more from them. I believe every person can teach us something.
For instance, when I started getting into public speaking, I took Vanessa van Edwards as a model because I love the way she found the perfect balance between warmth and competence to convey the messages she wanted through her speeches.
Modeling means observing the behavior and mindset of the highly skilled observer ‘raises the bar’ and sees the potential available to them.
So if there is anyone you highly admire that’s because that person’s traits are already inside of you as well. Observing and modeling what they did and how they did it to bring theirs to the surface can definitely be beneficial.
Final thoughts
- Confidence is not an innate, fixed characteristic. It’s an ability that can be acquired and improved over time.
- Building lasting self-confidence is an ongoing process but truly rewarding. The inner work you do is going to get reflected in the way you show up in the world, for yourself and others.
- The habits you can incorporate to build lasting confidence are:
- Making self-care a top priority
- Taking up space by sitting straight and tall
- Romanticizing your ideal self
- Being bold and taking steps toward your goals
- Modeling behavior and/or mindset
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” - Marie Curie
I would love to know which habits have helped you build up lasting self-confidence!
Thank you for reading! I appreciate you!
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Much love!❤️
